Happy birthday!!! For the 6th anniversary of Gayish, Mike and Kyle talk about why 666 is actually lucky, the apocalypse, the Satanic Panic, why the gay rainbow flag is evil, gematria, and the self-fulfilling nature of stereotypes.
In this episode: News- 2:58 || Main Topic (666)- 17:11 || Gayest & Straightest- 1:13:44
We’re doing a 6-city live show tour! This year, we’ll be going to New York City, Seattle, Chicago, San Francisco, Los Angeles, and Houston. See the tour dates and buy tickets at www.gayishpodcast.com/live.
On the weekly bonus Patreon segment, Mike and Kyle reminisce together on our 6 loooong years of doing this show. Get bonus audio, video, and other great benefits by joining our Patreon at www.patreon.com/gayishpodcast.
FULL TRANSCRIPT
INTRO MUSIC [MIKE JOHNSON SINGING]
When you know that you are queer but your favorite drink is beer, that’s Gayish. You can bottom without stopping but you can’t stand going shopping, that’s Gayish. Oh, Gayish. You’re probably Gayish. Oh life’s just too short for narrow stereotypes. Oh, it’s Gayish. We’re all so Gayish. It’s Gayish with Mike and Kyle.
MIKE JOHNSON
Hello, everyone in the podcasts universe. This is Gayish.
KYLE GETZ
The “Per my last email,” of podcasts.
MIKE JOHNSON
[laughing] Ma’am.
KYLE GETZ
Ma’am. Ma’am. Excuse me, ma’am. Ma’am!
MIKE JOHNSON
I’m Mike Johnson.
KYLE GETZ
I’m Kyle Getz.
MIKE JOHNSON
And we’re here to bridge the gap between sexuality and actuality, and happy birthday, Kyle!
KYLE GETZ
Happy mother fuckin’ birthday to us!
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeaaah! Open that wine!
KYLE GETZ
Euaah!
MIKE JOHNSON
[chuckles] Yeah, this is a Prosecco Rosé.
KYLE GETZ
It combines our specific interests.
MIKE JOHNSON
Exactly.
KYLE GETZ
You like Prosecco, I like Rosé.
MIKE JOHNSON
Exactly.
KYLE GETZ
This is a- Just like this show, it’s a beautiful merging of our two… tastes.
MIKE JOHNSON
Happy 6th birthday, Kyle. [sound of a cork popping off a bottle]
KYLE GETZ
Happy sixth birthday, Mike.
MIKE JOHNSON
And thanks to Derek, for this awesome idea for an episode topic. We’re going to talk about 666-
KYLE GETZ
Yeeesss.
MIKE JOHNSON
-in honor of our 6th birthday.
KYLE GETZ
I’m excited and nervous. I have some exciting things to talk to you about.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah, same. But first?
KYLE GETZ
But first.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah. Okay, so, uh, we do have 100 words this week.
KYLE GETZ
Ooo!
MIKE JOHNSON
As you, I’m sure, have heard us say a bajillion times: at a certain level of Patreon support, you can send in 100 words and I will say them. Doesn’t matter what they are. Uh, this week comes from Hal O’Mara. Here we go. “Hi, Gayish team. I have for you exactly 100 words, including these words, Kyle. Don’t @ me.”
KYLE GETZ
[laughs] This- This is- They’ve gotten so strategic on the 100 words. [Mike laughs] I love that.
MIKE JOHNSON
“Hello, Canadian listeners. Would you consider signing e-Petition e-4268? This petition is seeking to extend refugee or asylum status to trans and nonbinary individuals from countries passing eliminationist laws, including previously safe Western countries such as the USA and England. You must be a resident of Canada to sign the petition. The petition is open to signatures until May 26th. You can find the petition by Googling ‘Petition e-4268’ or ‘Canadian transgender petition’. Thank you in advance for helping to keep our community safe.”
KYLE GETZ
Did you count the words?
MIKE JOHNSON
No, I didn’t count the words. What the fuck?
KYLE GETZ
[sighs] I just wanted to know if it was exact.
MIKE JOHNSON
Uh, thanks, Hal!
KYLE GETZ
Thanks, Hal! And y’all use your words for such beautiful wonderful things, except for that lizard person. [both laugh]
MIKE JOHNSON
Oh, God. I was so tired when I did that, too. I was like in fuckin’ Scotland or somewhere.
KYLE GETZ
You brought feeling into it.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah. You know.
KYLE GETZ
Yeah.
MIKE JOHNSON
I bring my whole ass to work, Kyle.
KYLE GETZ
Mhm.
MIKE JOHNSON
I don’t half-ass it. I whole-ass it.
KYLE GETZ
Mhm.
MIKE JOHNSON
Umm, uh- Uh, per usual, for our 6th birthday we have a bunch of exciting announcements to share with you all. Some exciting things are in the air, and we’ll definitely get to all of that in a moment, but first, here’s the news.
[News segment intro plays, sung by MIKE JOHNSON]
Shut your mouth hole it’s time for your ear holes, news, news, news.
KYLE GETZ
[mumbled quietly, in a goofy voice] Fuck your mouth hole it’s time for the ass hole, bee, bur, bluuh.
MIKE JOHNSON
In honor of our 6th birthday, Kyle, I have six news stories. So I’m going to do them fast-
KYLE GETZ
Fu- Ooh, okay.
MIKE JOHNSON
-so that it doesn’t end up being like 45 minutes of just the news this episode.
KYLE GETZ
Okay.
MIKE JOHNSON
Uh, number one, news the first: a Trump appointed judge has blocked Tennessee’s anti-drag law.
KYLE GETZ
Ooooh.
MIKE JOHNSON
So- Yep. The state of Tennessee-
KYLE GETZ
Surprise.
MIKE JOHNSON
-was supposed to have a ban against, quote, “adult cabaret entertainment” with “male or female impersonators” that, quote, “could be viewed by a person who is not an adult.” So, basically, any public space that might have kids: no drag whatsoever. It was supposed to go into effect at midnight, uh, April 1st, so April Fool’s Day, which, that’s just- that’s pretty… You know. The whole thing is foolish, so I think that’s, you know, aptly timed. But uh, a US District Court Judge Thomas L. Parker – again, a Trump appointee – has handed down a 14-day temporary restraining order, and he said that, basically, the state had not provided, quote, “a clear answer to the Statute’s purpose considering”-
KYLE GETZ
[laughs] That’s- Right? Right? [Mike laughs] Thank you! Thank you. 100%.
MIKE JOHNSON
Uh, “considering current state obscenity laws, along with the Parties’ present filings on the Statute’s legislative history, the Court finds that Plaintiff has made a likely case for subjecting the Statute to strict scrutiny here.” Basically, he saying we live in a free civil society and, like, we- You- Just, no. You can’t- You can’t curtail freedom of speech that broadly and without explaining why.
KYLE GETZ
Yeah, with no reason other than you’re trying to gain political points and attack an entire community.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yep! Uh, news the second…
KYLE GETZ
Great.
MIKE JOHNSON
So, on Thursday, a federal judge in Texas eliminated a big component of the Affordable Care Act, in that they are no longer- They said it was unconstitutional to force people to pay for insurance that goes against their religion, and that PrEP – because that’s about butt sex – is against their religion so they shouldn’t have to pay for insurance that covers PrEP.
KYLE GETZ
Fuck off. That’s- That’s so shitty. Like, you blame gays for AIDS and then you don’t want the thing that will prevent HIV transmission. Like, you’re- You’re the one creating the thing you’re angry about.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah. Yeah.
KYLE GETZ
Republicans! [chuckles]
MIKE JOHNSON
Right. Well, and PrEP- In their in their filing, the plaintiffs said that PrEP violates their freedom of religion because of the Christian faith, but also says that PrEP, quote, “encourages homosexual behavior,” which… okay, maybe. So-
KYLE GETZ
Well-
MIKE JOHNSON
-it encourages my homosexual behavior!
KYLE GETZ
Yeah. I was gonna say, ehhh. There’s a lot of dudes that have jizzed in my butt, thanks to PrEP.
MIKE JOHNSON
Well, and, there are other ways to get HIV.
KYLE GETZ
Right.
MIKE JOHNSON
Right?
KYLE GETZ
Right.
MIKE JOHNSON
It’s not just butt sex, you dumbasses.
KYLE GETZ
Yeah, yeah.
MIKE JOHNSON
Like, there’s a lot of different ways to get HIV, and PrEP doesn’t make you just, like, fall on the ground and put your legs in the air.
KYLE GETZ
Speak for your- You know… [Mike laughs] different strokes for- [Kyle chuckles]
MIKE JOHNSON
But the Biden administration says that they are going to appeal that ruling – which came out of the Fifth Circuit Court of Appeals – on behalf of the Department of Justice and the Department of Health and Human Services.
KYLE GETZ
We should be handing out PrEP, morning after pill, condoms. Like, all this shit should be like… you should be able to get it from a- on the sidewalk. Like, these things should be available to everyone, all the time, for free.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah! Absolutely! I’m gonna drink this wine now.
KYLE GETZ
You should.
MIKE JOHNSON
Mmm.
KYLE GETZ
It’s delicious.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah, yeah.
KYLE GETZ
Just like my butt.
MIKE JOHNSON
Okay.
KYLE GETZ
Eat my butt.
MIKE JOHNSON
News the third…
KYLE GETZ
Sure.
MIKE JOHNSON
US Representative George Santos…
KYLE GETZ
Yeah, let’s start a story with him. [Mike laughs]
MIKE JOHNSON
Uh… did a good thing.
KYLE GETZ
Oh!
MIKE JOHNSON
He has introduced a bill to ban US aid to countries that have laws or policies that discriminate against LGBT people.
KYLE GETZ
Oh! Because, out of all the fake things, he really is gay, right?
MIKE JOHNSON
[chuckles] Apparently so.
KYLE GETZ
Okay, that’s one that’s sticking?
MIKE JOHNSON
I guess.
KYLE GETZ
Okay.
MIKE JOHNSON
Like, for now.
KYLE GETZ
Gayish.
MIKE JOHNSON
We’ll see. [chuckles] We’ll see what happens. Um, [chuckles] I love- This is from The Advocate – I just love how snarky their reporting can be sometimes [Kyle chuckles] – “Santos, a gay Republican who has been caught in numerous lies” [both chuckle] “and accused of crimes since being elected last fall, introduced House Resolution 1736, the Equality and Fiscal Accountability Protection Act of 2023” and, uh “It would require the State Department to assess a country’s human rights record before providing aid” and, in that, if they’re found to discriminate then they’re ineligible for US aid until they address the issue, and, uh, LGBTQ issues are included in that analysis, so-
KYLE GETZ
That’s amazing.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah. Now, I- It’s also- We’ve said this before, it’s possible to do the right thing for the absolute wrong fucking reasons. And my guess is that they just like any process that they can put in place to keep us from giving money to other countries-
KYLE GETZ
Ohhh. Yeah, yeah yeah.
MIKE JOHNSON
-because “America first,” or whatever-
KYLE GETZ
Yeah.
MIKE JOHNSON
-is probably what’s really behind it.
KYLE GETZ
‘Cause “We need more money for the military,” or somethin’?
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah, yeah.
KYLE GETZ
Like- Yeah.
MIKE JOHNSON
Exactly. Exactly. Anyway, it just- I’m interested to see what happens with this bill because it’s like- First of all, it’s coming from that fuckface asshole dickbag, but also, like, what do Republicans do when they’re faced with- like, they have to choose between money for the military and not spending money on foreign countries with like their hatred of LGBT people, right?
KYLE GETZ
[chuckles] Yeah.
MIKE JOHNSON
So what do you do? How do you support it?
KYLE GETZ
Yeah.
MIKE JOHNSON
Anyway, news the fourth…
KYLE GETZ
Wow.
MIKE JOHNSON
A federal judge in Texas has ruled that 12 books that were removed by public libraries by the Llano County officials must be placed back onto shelves within 24 hours.
KYLE GETZ
Hell yeah. My- Um, the district that I grew up in, my school district, is one of the ones in Texas that is actively working on banning these things. The school board is being taken over by extreme right-wing people that are just the worst and this is happening across the country, and in Texas especially.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yep.
KYLE GETZ
It’s scary and frustrating.
MIKE JOHNSON
I hope I’m pronouncing it correctly. It’s “Llano” [saying it like “Ya-no”] County, I think. It’s L-L-A-N-O. Uh, Llano County. That’s San Antonio area. And uh, there were- These 12 books were all removed from the public libraries because of LGBTQ or race content.
KYLE GETZ
Critical race theory is absolutely getting attacked as well.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yep. And, uh-
KYLE GETZ
Which, how do you- Like, how do you teach the history of America? Like, what do you do? Like, “Columbus came and then here we are”? Like, wha- The textbook is two pages long.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yep. Yep. Ab- Because we have to feel good about America, Kyle.
KYLE GETZ
Yeah. Yeah.
MIKE JOHNSON
We don’t want little Timmy to feel bad about being white and American, I guess.
KYLE GETZ
Yeah.
MIKE JOHNSON
I dunno- Even though he probably should. [Mike chuckles, Kyle laughs] Um, Timmy’s an asshole, by the way.
KYLE GETZ
Fuck Timmy.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah. [laughs] Uh, US District Judge Robert Pitman said, in his order, that the library system is required to put those books in their catalog and cannot remove them for any reason while the case is ongoing. Books ordered to return to the shelves include: “Caste: The Origins of Our Discontents” by Isabel Wilkerson; “They Called Themselves the K.K.K.: The Birth of an American Terrorist Group” by Susan Campbell Bartoletti; and “Being Jazz: My Life as a (Transgender) Teen” by Jazz Jennings.
KYLE GETZ
I got my friends that book because they’re gonna have a baby.
MIKE JOHNSON
That’s awesome.
KYLE GETZ
Yeah. I went on the banned books list and got two kids books from the- from the list.
MIKE JOHNSON
Aw, that’s- See, that’s how it’s done, Kyle.
KYLE GETZ
I thought- I thought- I was very happy with that.
MIKE JOHNSON
Now, the defendants argued that the books were not targeted for their content but that they were just removed as part of their, quote, “regular ‘weeding’ process” following existing policies.
KYLE GETZ
It just so happens every single one’s LGBT or black. Like, that’s just coincidence!
KYLE GETZ
Right. Yep, exactly, and-
KYLE GETZ
“We’re not targeting anyone.”
MIKE JOHNSON
And that’s- That’s what- That’s what the judge said.
KYLE GETZ
Yeah.
MIKE JOHNSON
Like, he said that’s bullshit. Quote, “Whether or not the books in fact qualified for ‘weeding’ under the library’s existing policies, there is no real question that the targeted review was directly prompted by complaints from patrons and county officials over the contents of these titles,” and that’s against the First Amendment, at least according to this person, this judge. And so, we’ll see what happens. It is such a fucking terrifying, scary time, and, like, this is just one more example of like… if you are on this side, when has- when has anybody ever been on the side of banning books that turned out, historically, to be a good person?
KYLE GETZ
Yeah, yeah. [chuckles]
MIKE JOHNSON
Right?
KYLE GETZ
Yes, absolutely.
MIKE JOHNSON
Like, you are on the wrong side of history, you fuckface dickbags.
KYLE GETZ
Yeah. Yep.
MIKE JOHNSON
Happy birthday!
KYLE GETZ
Happy birthday to us! Fuck off!
MIKE JOHNSON
[laughs] News, the fifth…
KYLE GETZ
Wow.
MIKE JOHNSON
Um, former First Minister Nicola Sturgeon, who has been a champion of a lot of LGBT stuff in her reign as the first minister of Scotland, but she stepped down and allowed Hamza Yusuf to become the leader of the Scottish National Party. But she said that part of the reason that she stepped down was that her personal life was being exposed and she wants some privacy, but also she wasn’t cool with all of the rumors that she’s a lesbian.
KYLE GETZ
Ohhh…
MIKE JOHNSON
Um, there’s this rumor going around that she was in a secret relationship with a French diplomat and that they were gonna buy a house from tennis star Andy Murray’s mom, Judy. Just, uh-
KYLE GETZ
[in a French accent] Bonjour, Madame.
MIKE JOHNSON
Uh, she- She said “I’ve got houses everywhere if you believe social media!” But yeah, there’s just this weird rumor mill that she’s a lesbian, which, I mean, her haircut’s kind of lesbian, but [Kyle laughs] uh… Do you-
KYLE GETZ
I would become a lesbian if I got to have hot sex with a French diplomat. Oh, yeah. But I can also see her just being like, “Quirky mom!”
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah.
KYLE GETZ
Like, she also has like a “I’m a mom!”
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. Anyway, so yeah. I didn’t realize that she had stepped down but I think that she did some pretty amazing things, especially with this fight over whether Scotland’s laws about transitioning would be allowed to stand. There was the big fight set up between the Scottish Parliament and, uh, UK Parliament.
KYLE GETZ
You told me about that once.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah, yeah. Scotland was like “Hey, we want to make it easier for people to transition and to change their gender markers on their documents,” and then the UK Parliament was like “No, you can’t, and we’re gonna stop it by telling the monarch not to sign it,” which isn’t a mechanism that’s used lightly, historically.
KYLE GETZ
Yeah.
MIKE JOHNSON
Um, and-
KYLE GETZ
Yeah, when I talked about it- That’s, like, seen as a formality, that you just always give the like… what is it, queen’s…
MIKE JOHNSON
Royal Assent.
KYLE GETZ
…tipping of the hat?
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah. Yeah. Well, now- Now the king.
KYLE GETZ
King, yeah.
MIKE JOHNSON
But, you know…
KYLE GETZ
Yeah. She dead.
MIKE JOHNSON
‘Cause she dead. [laughs] Happy birthday!
KYLE GETZ
[chuckles] Happy birthday. The Queen is dead, long live Gayish.
MIKE JOHNSON
Uh, turns out that she’s not leaving the Scottish Parliament, however. She is going to continue, just there’s a new SNP leader and a new First Minister. So she’s not- She’s not going anywhere, she’s just taking a little a stippy-step you step back.
KYLE GETZ
She a lesbian?
MIKE JOHNSON
She’s not a lesbian. She’s married to dude and they have, like… I think she has kids, even, with- not that that means anything. I wish I had a better Scottish accent or I would do my Nicola Sturgeon impre-.
KYLE GETZ
Do it!
MIKE JOHNSON
No, I can’t. I can’t, I can’t, I can’t. Sorry, Scotland, you’re gonna have to wait. Uh, news the last.
KYLE GETZ
[quietly] Wow. Ooo.
MIKE JOHNSON
News the sixth, for our 6th birthday. I love this story. So, last week on Friday – that’s the 31st of March – TRUK United FC, a soccer – football – team, took to the field under captain Arthur Webber. They played against Dulwich Hamlet F.C. Supporters Team, at Champion Hill grounds in London. What’s special about this though is that TRUK United is made solely of trans men and transmasculine people. They have a whole soccer team that’s just trans dudes and transmasculine folks, and-
KYLE GETZ
Does- Does “Truck” mean something different than I-
MIKE JOHNSON
It’s T-R-U-K and that stands for…
KYLE GETZ
Huh. Ohhh, acronym, that explains it.
MIKE JOHNSON
Uhh, yeah, I don’t know what it stands for though.
KYLE GETZ
Don’t worry, I’ll edit to make it sound like you knew right away.
MIKE JOHNSON
Great… It’s “Trans Radio UK.” Trans Radio UK.
KYLE GETZ
“Radio”? Okay, we were on trucks and I got confused, now radio? I’m confused again. Doesn’t matter. I don’t- We don’t need to- That’s not the news story. That’s- That’s adorable!
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah. Trans Radio is a, um, exactly what it sounds like: a radio media company owned and operated by trans folks, and they started the soccer team and the soccer team’s named after them so they are “TRUK”, Trans Radio UK. Anyway, they lost. [Kyle laughs] Um, but they said, quote, “The score didn’t matter at the beginning and it didn’t matter at the end. This was not about winning or proving ourselves against a cis team.” “The real win was always that we walked out onto the pitch, played, we’re visible and we’ve reclaimed our place in football.”
KYLE GETZ
That sounds like what a loser would say. [both laugh]
MIKE JOHNSON
Oh, God. Yeah, anyway, I just- I’m just excited that there’s, like… I don’t know, an outlet, first of all, for that kind of activity. And then, I don’t know, I know like maybe three trans guys much less a whole soccer team worth, and so it’s pretty great.
KYLE GETZ
Yeah, yeah. Like… that kind of positive visibility, showing trans people you can play sports, you can – I guess – have a radio station if you really want to. You can- You can do anything you set your heart to.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah.
KYLE GETZ
You can- You too can lose the game of soccer, if you really want to. [both laugh]
MIKE JOHNSON
If you put your mind to it. Anyway, that’s your special happy birthday news, Kyle.
KYLE GETZ
Um, speaking of people whose birthday it also is, thanks to the following Patreon people. Um, I want to thank Sabastian Madison – that’s two first names – Kyle Lang – ooh, that’s a great first name – Bethany Carrrrrr with two Rs-
MIKE JOHNSON
Carrrrr.
KYLE GETZ
-and [saying it in a high pitch] Pip!
MIKE JOHNSON
[also saying it in a high pitch] Pip!
KYLE GETZ
Pip!
MIKE JOHNSON
Pip pip!
KYLE GETZ
I’m sure it’s pronounced like that. Pip!
MIKE JOHNSON
Pip pip!
KYLE GETZ
Hi, I’m Pip! [Mike laughs] Um, thank you to everyone who supports us on Patreon. If you want bonus episodes, content, if you want to make Mike read 100 words, go see all the benefits at patreon.com/gayishpodcast.
MIKE JOHNSON
Do it.
MIKE JOHNSON
You wanna talk about 666, Kyle?
KYLE GETZ
I wanna pour myself one more wine.
MIKE JOHNSON
Alright, do it. Mmm.
KYLE GETZ
I got to hang back and drink while you had to spout through all the news. Oh, and now you’re gonna do more stuff too, right?
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah.
KYLE GETZ
What are you gonna do?
MIKE JOHNSON
Okay, well, first of all…
KYLE GETZ
First of all…
MIKE JOHNSON
We’re gonna talk about 666.
KYLE GETZ
Yes.
MIKE JOHNSON
And I’m gonna talk to you about the history of 666.
KYLE GETZ
Okay.
MIKE JOHNSON
However…
KYLE GETZ
Howmever…
MIKE JOHNSON
We have something to address.
KYLE GETZ
What’s that?
MIKE JOHNSON
An email that we got from CFG. Here we go. “In the Gayish 320 Astrology podcast, when Mike was making fun of the Globes and of the DVL, he mentioned worshipping the DE VI L,” capital D-E, capital V-I, capital L, DE VI L, “Was the sarcastic? Sorry for asking, I don’t understand human sarcasm much. I’m not certain if-” “I’m not curtain if I should listen to Gayish then. I don’t need EVL in life.”
KYLE GETZ
…Mike, do you worship the Devil?
MIKE JOHNSON
[laughs] Stay tuned, everybody.
KYLE GETZ
[gasps] You have to- That’s the- That’s our cliffhanger.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah.
KYLE GETZ
Like, we’ll see if we- either of us- Why- Why- Maybe I worship the Devil. Why not? What about me?
MIKE JOHNSON
Did I say I worship the Devil though?
KYLE GETZ
I don’t remember that. [laughs]
MIKE JOHNSON
I- I don’t. I don’t. I-
KYLE GETZ
You come across as very Devil-friendly.
MIKE JOHNSON
Really?
KYLE GETZ
Uh- No. I don’t know.
MIKE JOHNSON
I- I mean, how big’s his dick? I don’t know. [laughs]
KYLE GETZ
That’s true. 10 inches… exactly.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yep. Yeah. All demons have 10-inch penises. [Kyle laughs] On the nose.
KYLE GETZ
Yep.
MIKE JOHNSON
On- Right on the dick.
KYLE GETZ
Yep.
MIKE JOHNSON
Okay. Um… no, I do not worship the devil-
KYLE GETZ
Oh.
MIKE JOHNSON
-CFG. And, uh…
KYLE GETZ
So you- Well, you could keep listening to Gayish but, unfortunately, I do worship the devil, so… eugh-eugh.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah. [laughs]
KYLE GETZ
I don’t know. I don’t know how to help you on that one.
MIKE JOHNSON
Maybe- Maybe he only cares if I do.
KYLE GETZ
That’s true. That’s true. I’m the- I’m a goofy one, I can do whatever I want.
MIKE JOHNSON
Uhh, before we jump into it, do we want to make an announcement?
KYLE GETZ
Why don’t we do a segment first and then we’ll do an announcement.
MIKE JOHNSON
Great. Okay, thanks, Kyle.
KYLE GETZ
Yeah. We have some very exciting announcements about us that you will be thrilled to hear. Hang on to your butts.
MIKE JOHNSON
Alright, Kyle, what do you know about the number 666?
KYLE GETZ
Umm… man, so little.
MIKE JOHNSON
Do you have any fear of it or any associations like- like, if somebody invited you to a job interview and the place of work was gonna be 666 Fifth Avenue, which is a real place [Kyle chuckles] in New York City that’s owned by Jared Kushner apparently, uh-
KYLE GETZ
Wow.
MIKE JOHNSON
-would you work there? Would you have any problems working there?
KYLE GETZ
I could see him being the devil.
MIKE JOHNSON
He is.
KYLE GETZ
I could see, like, he just takes off his like [Mike laughs] weird banker dude face mask and he’s like [speaking like a garbled demon] “I’m the devil.” Um, no, I don’t- I’m not- It would be something I would notice. Like, you know, you get a receipt back and it cost $6.66 on the day of your flight or whatever. I would notice that, but I’m not gonna do anything about it. So I’m not, um, uh, patriotic. That’s not the word. I’m not-
MIKE JOHNSON
Superstitious.
KYLE GETZ
-superstitious! I’m not that patriotic either, now that I think about it. But no, I’m not superstitious. Are you? Do you care? Do you-
MIKE JOHNSON
I just do not care.
KYLE GETZ
Yeah.
MIKE JOHNSON
I just do not care.
KYLE GETZ
Is it because it’s all lies and doesn’t actually mean anything?
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah. Right. And, um, we’re going to talk a lot, I think, about… well, superstition… and the fact that it’s actually sort of racist to presume that your weird associations to numbers are like universal or have any grounding whatsoever.
KYLE GETZ
Mmm. Mm.
MIKE JOHNSON
Um, I guess I could talk about this now.
KYLE GETZ
Okay.
MIKE JOHNSON
The number 666, actually, in Chinese culture, is very very lucky.
KYLE GETZ
That’s the shit I love, when one group of people has an association that is like “This is the devil number!” and another group says it’s lucky. That just is such a visible, obvious example of how things are- Just, so much is human create meaning from absolutely nothing.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yep, absolutely. Absolutely. And, um, that just- I don’t know. That just proves it, right?
KYLE GETZ
Yeah. Oh, absolutely.
MIKE JOHNSON
In Chinese numerology the number is considered to be lucky and is often displayed in shop windows and neon signs. And, in China, 666 can mean, quote, “Everything goes smoothly,” because the number 6 has the same pronunciation as the character that means “smooth.” So “Smooth, smooth, smooth,” is 666 and they, like, use that all the time.
KYLE GETZ
And also, like, that’s so interesting, just our weird associations. Like, it- You’d think there’s this big, complex ba- and it’s like “This sounds like this.”
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah. [chuckles]
KYLE GETZ
And that’s how humans make associations.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yep.
KYLE GETZ
Like, isn’t- Like, we’re just so like basic and easy to understand. Like, “This sounds like this,” here we go.
MIKE JOHNSON
Totally right. Totally, totally right. So uh, the 666, in Western culture – in Western Christian culture – 666 is just because of the Devil. And, uh- I said “Devil” but I met Bible. Am I worshipping the Devil right now?
KYLE GETZ
[Kyle laughs] Are we- Are we- [Mike chuckles] By doing this episode, is this a form of Devil worship? The Devil probably gets off on people talking about him.
MIKE JOHNSON
[in a raspy demonic voice] Beelzebub! Yeah. Okay.
KYLE GETZ
What?
MIKE JOHNSON
I don’t know. [both laugh] I’m gonna start speaking in tongues.
KYLE GETZ
I think the Devil just spoke [Mike laughs] through you now. Maybe I am superstitious. I’m nervous.
MIKE JOHNSON
Uh, 666 is in the Bible. It is in the book of Revelations, first shows up in chapter 13 verse 18, and it is known as the number of the beast. So, in most translations of the Bible, the number of the beast is six hundred sixty-six and is referenced in this verse. So, “And that no man might buy or sell, save he that had the mark, or the name of the beast, or the number of his name.” “Here is wisdom. Let him that hath understanding count the number of the beast: for it is the number of a man; and his number is 666.” So, do you know what eschatology is?
KYLE GETZ
Is it the study of snails?
MIKE JOHNSON
Yes. [both chuckling] Yes!
KYLE GETZ
Uh, no. I don’t know.
MIKE JOHNSON
Escargotology?
KYLE GETZ
Yes. No, I don’t know.
MIKE JOHNSON
Eschatology is the study of the end of the world.
KYLE GETZ
Ohhh.
MIKE JOHNSON
Especially as it pertains to like prophecies and religious-
KYLE GETZ
Oh.
MIKE JOHNSON
-the religious end of the world.
KYLE GETZ
Right.
MIKE JOHNSON
And the book of Revelation is that, but uh-
KYLE GETZ
This is what my- When I was a kid I didn’t go to church, all my friends did, everyone around me was a Christian. And when I was at, like- I remember, one of my earliest sleepovers, my friends would be like [quietly] “Have you heard about the end of the world?” Like, they were talking about Bible stuff. They’re like [quietly] “It’s really scary.”
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah.
KYLE GETZ
Like, they were scared. Like, this shit, it’s- As adults, and as someone who’s atheist, I can now kind of like laugh about it or joke about it. Like, this scares the shit out of kids.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah.
KYLE GETZ
I remember hearing that the end of the world was gonna come and it was gonna be fire and- and torture and all this shit, and then they were scared of it.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yep.
KYLE GETZ
So, like, this has real- This is not just “These are fun, make-believe stories that people tell each other,” these terrify children.
MIKE JOHNSON
Absolutely, yeah. That’s what they’re intended to do, right? Like-
KYLE GETZ
Yeah. “You better fuckin’ straighten up.”
MIKE JOHNSON
“Keep your shit together.”
KYLE GETZ
Yeah.
MIKE JOHNSON
It’s like, uh, I don’t know. It’s like kids and Santa in December, right?
KYLE GETZ
Mm. Mhm! Mhm!
MIKE JOHNSON
Like, that’s when they start behaving because, like, he’s coming soon.
KYLE GETZ
Yep. Yep
MIKE JOHNSON
Which, the idea of Santa is terrifying, right? Like, he breaks into your house at night, eats your shit, leaves gifts. [laughs]
KYLE GETZ
Yeah, you have to leave the cookies or else he’s gonna not- Like, you may- He may just leave you a package of coal? That’s like some crazy ex-boyfriend shit.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah. Yeah! Okay! Okay.
KYLE GETZ
Okay.
MIKE JOHNSON
- Oh.
KYLE GETZ
What is- Oh.
MIKE JOHNSON
I got interested in- I got interested in eschatology as a kid because of the Prince song, “7”.
KYLE GETZ
Oh, I don’t know this.
MIKE JOHNSON
I think he was a symbol at that point, so it was the artist formerly known as Prince.
KYLE GETZ
Oh, I remember that time.
KYLE GETZ
And he put out the song “7”.
KYLE GETZ
Hm. I don’t know it.
MIKE JOHNSON
[singing] All 7 and we’ll watch them fall. [speaking] You know this song?
KYLE GETZ
No.
MIKE JOHNSON
Okay, it’s great.
KYLE GETZ
Okay!
MIKE JOHNSON
And it is filled with, like, book of Revelations stuff.
KYLE GETZ
Oh.
MIKE JOHNSON
Like, it talks about the seven seals and the horsemen of the apocalypse, and like it covers a whole bunch of shit so I got really into, like, unlocking like “What do the lyrics of this song mean?” and that sent me down this like rabbit hole. I was also kind of a bible thumper at that point, involved in youth group and went-
KYLE GETZ
Hm. Ohh, you went to youth group?
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah.
KYLE GETZ
Whoa, that’s cool.
MIKE JOHNSON
But I had this whole thing about like trying to understand the end of the world, and like read the book of Revelation, and know what was going to happen, and, um, it really kept my mind off of this whole being gay thing.
KYLE GETZ
[laughs] Okay. You needed some distraction from the thing about loving men?
MIKE JOHNSON
But um, the mark of the beast, in Revelation, is required- Well, some people say- interpret that passage as being some kind of requirement, that towards the end of the world you’re going to have to have this thing in order to do, uh, commerce, in order to buy or sell anything. It specifically mentions buying and selling and this is associated with it. So, when barcodes became a thing, like in the 80s, for cash registers, everybody was like “Oh, it looks weird. That’s the mark of the beast.” Like, they’re- Christians are crazy, Kyle.
KYLE GETZ
Yeah. And as we talked about, humans make weird connections between shit.
MIKE JOHNSON
And uh, a number of people now think that it’s supposed to be like a RFID chip implanted under your skin. But it creates this whole, like, fear of financial instruments and which one of them is going to be the mark of the beast that everyone’s gonna have to be tattooed, or stamped, or injected with a thing just so that they can like live their everyday life.
KYLE GETZ
Hm.
MIKE JOHNSON
It’s really odd.
KYLE GETZ
Hm.
MIKE JOHNSON
But it’s also – and we’ll talk about this a lot more later, in a future segment – it’s supposed to be someone’s name, and that like if you know what you’re doing you can figure out who the Antichrist is because it’ll- it’ll- Their- His number will be 666.
KYLE GETZ
I mean, “Donald” has six letters in it.
MIKE JOHNSON
I mean, we will definitely get to that.
KYLE GETZ
Uh, “Trumps” has six letters too. Donald Trumps.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah.
KYLE GETZ
You know, the president, [Mike laughs] Donald Trumps.
MIKE JOHNSON
Oh, God, Kyle. [Kyle chuckles] Uh, what else did I want to tell you about this before we move on? Apparently, Nancy and Ronald Reagan, they- their address was 666 St. Cloud Road and they had it changed. [laughs]
KYLE GETZ
[chuckles] Do it like 665.5 or somethin’?
MIKE JOHNSON
- 668.
KYLE GETZ
I liked the idea of, like, one of them got up with like a pen-
MIKE JOHNSON
-a Sharpie. [laughs]
KYLE GETZ
-or- Yeah, just like drew an extra little thing attached to the 6 and is like “This is an 8 now.”
MIKE JOHNSON
Um, lots of places that have changed the address from 666 to something else. There was a Route 666, in New Mexico, and they changed that to U.S. Route 491.
KYLE GETZ
Whoa. Wow. They kinda- They kind of went all over.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah. Um, a New Mexico spokesperson said, quote, “The devil’s out of here, and we say goodbye and good riddance,” like… we showed him. [laughs]
KYLE GETZ
Oh, got ‘em. The Devil can’t access this road no more.
MIKE JOHNSON
Uh, lots of people are actually afraid of the number. It’s gotta be a trauma response to, like, what you’re talking about. Like, we scare the shit out of little kids with all this fucked up messaging and-
KYLE GETZ
Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
MIKE JOHNSON
Um, anyway, the fear of the number 666 is called “hexakosioi-”… “hexakosioihexekontahexaphobia”.
KYLE GETZ
Damn, I’m scared of that word.
MIKE JOHNSON
[laughs] Yeah, I am too.
KYLE GETZ
That’s called “hexatosahexahuvahuvaphobiaphobia”.
MIKE JOHNSON
Well… [Kyle chuckles] Say it again? [laughs]
KYLE GETZ
Hexatosahexaphobahexanosaphobia.
MIKE JOHNSON
Hexakosioihexekontahexaphobiaphobia.
KYLE GETZ
You called me a bad name in there some- [Mike laughs] I think you insulted me somewhere in that process, and I can’t pick it up because-
MIKE JOHNSON
Um… 666. It’s all- Not all, but it’s primarily Christian in origin and is all about this, like, bullshit idea that you can tell the future.
KYLE GETZ
Hm. Huh.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah. Antichrist.
KYLE GETZ
Antichrist.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah.
KYLE GETZ
You-
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah.
KYLE GETZ
-are the Antichrist.
MIKE JOHNSON
Nope.
KYLE GETZ
We’ll get to that?
MIKE JOHNSON
We’ll get to that.
KYLE GETZ
[chuckles] Do you want to make an announcement now?
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah, let’s make an announcement!
KYLE GETZ
Which one do you do- Do you want to make the big one?
MIKE JOHNSON
Which- What’s the big one? [both laugh]
KYLE GETZ
Don’t make me whip out the big one.
MIKE JOHNSON
Sure. In honor of our sixth birthday, everyone, we are announcing here- Hey, listen up!
KYLE GETZ
Hey, shut the fuck up. [Mike laughs] Put down your dishes, pull over on the side of the road, uh… wake up! [claps]
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah.
KYLE GETZ
[clapping] Viewer’s falling asleep. Wake up!
MIKE JOHNSON
Yep. [singing quickly, incoherently] Svaguwvadva, wake up! [both laugh] [speaking] What’s that song?
KYLE GETZ
[singing quickly] Grab a brush and put a little makeup! Hide the scars to fade away the shake-up!
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah. Yeah. Now we got a-
KYLE GETZ
[singing quickly] You wanted to! Why’d you leave the keys upon the table? You wanted to! Here you go create another fable, you wanted to!
MIKE JOHNSON
I’m impressed, Kyle.
KYLE GETZ
I used to know all of the words to that song. I loved that album.
MIKE JOHNSON
You should do that for karaoke.
KYLE GETZ
Ohhhh, [Mike laughs] that’d be so good. I’m gonna practice right now. De-
MIKE JOHNSON
No. Shut up.
KYLE GETZ
Oh.
MIKE JOHNSON
…Okay.
KYLE GETZ
Okay.
MIKE JOHNSON
In honor of our 6th birthday [Kyle laughs] we are announcing a six-city tour for 2023, and I’m so fuckin’ excited, Kyle.
KYLE GETZ
It’s gonna be so exciting. We’re going to cities we haven’t been to, and herem they are.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yep. Here are the dates, I will be announcing venues and whatnot later on: Sunday, June the 4th we will be in New York City; Friday, June 23rd we’ll be in Seattle for Seattle Pride; Saturday, July 29th we will be in Chicago, Illinois; Sunday, August 20th in San Francisco, California; Sunday, September 10th in Los Angeles; and then Saturday, October the 15th we will be in Houston, Texas, ending in Kyle’s backyard.
KYLE GETZ
My- That’s where I grew up!
MIKE JOHNSON
Um, we would love for you to come to this, please. And, um, yeah. A couple of things: New York City tickets are on sale now, which you can find by going to gayishpodcast.com/live.
KYLE GETZ
Yep, all the dates and cities will be on there but yes, we will have a link on that page in order to buy tickets and we’re gonna do a presale so buy them now.
MIKE JOHNSON
Mhm.
KYLE GETZ
They will be discounted tickets now, and then soon the price is gonna go up so get ‘em now.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yep! New York City is on sale now. They are- Tickets are $24 but that’s gonna include a drink ticket, so come enjoy some booze with us.
KYLE GETZ
You were gonna spend $24 on a glass of alcohol anyway, so…
MIKE JOHNSON
In Manhattan, absolutely.
KYLE GETZ
Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
MIKE JOHNSON
Uh, and uh, all of the other dates the tickets will go on sale May 1st, so um…
KYLE GETZ
If you’re a Patreon member check out Patreon, we’re gonna post a discount link. You can either get a discount by buying the presale tickets, which for New York is up now, or, if you’re a Patreon member it’s not just presale. Anytime, you can get discount by just being a Patron member.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah, all Patreon supporters are gonna get a discount.
KYLE GETZ
So check Patreon-
MIKE JOHNSON
Uh, half off. 50% off.
KYLE GETZ
So check Patreon.com for your code to use at checkout. I’m- I’m very excited about the tour. I also want, like- I don’t- I don’t know- I never know what people think about how big, or small, or whatever we are. Like, we’re- Like, this is- We did a tour a few cities last year, we’re doing a few more this year… We’re still kind of testing the waters to see if we want to do these and if people want these, so, like, please, if you’re in the area and you’re like debating… like, please come see us, please buy a ticket. We will be both excited to see you and that’ll help us do more of these in the future if we- If- You know, if no one shows up then we will stop doing them, so.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yep, exactly. And this is our 6th birthday tour, it is not the tour that we’ve been talking about for Patreon. Uh, we still haven’t quite hit our financial goals to do a full-on tour, hopefully next year.
KYLE GETZ
Yeah.
MIKE JOHNSON
So if you want to help us get there, you know, join Patreon so that we can do the full meal deal next year.
KYLE GETZ
Full- Yeah, more cities, and we’ve been talking about doing like kind of a big- At the end of a- When we hit that goal, do a big kind of celebration at the end, like weekend. Like, have everyone come to some city. Um, so we’re still figuring out those, you know, what we might do with that, but we got to hit our Patreon goal for the full-fledged tour, so.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yep, absolutely. And actually, if we hit that goal doing a- Like, we’re gonna do a full like weekend meet up extravaganza. We’re gonna have, I dunno, balloons and uh-
KYLE GETZ
Sure. Streamers, probably.
MIKE JOHNSON
Mom said that she would run a fortune telling booth.
KYLE GETZ
Oohhh.
MIKE JOHNSON
Um, yeah.
KYLE GETZ
Yeah.
MIKE JOHNSON
Look forward to that.
KYLE GETZ
But, for now, New York. Buy tickets.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yep. Everywhere else, May 1st. Buy tickets.
KYLE GETZ
Yeah.
MIKE JOHNSON
And I’ll be announcing the venues also, as soon as like the ink is dry and all this stuff.
KYLE GETZ
Cool. Should I tell you what I’m gonna tell you?
MIKE JOHNSON
Do whatever the fuck you want to, Kyle.
KYLE GETZ
Well then I’m gonna tell you about the Satanic Panic.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah you are.
KYLE GETZ
Okay.
MIKE JOHNSON
It’s cute ‘cause it rhymes.
KYLE GETZ
It’s cute ‘cause it rhymes… [Mike laughs] and it’s fucking horrifying.
MIKE JOHNSON
Oh, okay. Great.
KYLE GETZ
Okay. I got most of this information from a 2021 New York Times [makes a fart noise] article by Alan Yuhas, and a 2016 article on WNYC Studios. Um, and I gonna to talk both about D&D and the Satanic Panic. They’re, like, parallel but oftentimes places separate them into two different… like, they talk about one or the other, but I’m just gonna talk about both of them. So-
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah. Can you imagine how much quicker shit would have gotten out of hand if the internet had been a thing then?
KYLE GETZ
Oh my god!
MIKE JOHNSON
Right? Like, the whole country was like losing their fucking minds and they didn’t even have like cell phones yet.
KYLE GETZ
Do you- [Mike chuckles] What do you either know or remember about, like- This all took place during the 80s. Like-
MIKE JOHNSON
I remember the bus driver on my bus, my school bus – because my ride to school was like almost an hour every day because I lived in the country – and there were certain radio stations that the bus driver wouldn’t let us listen to because they were “devil music”. And uh, I remember a new radio station came on board. I’m trying to remember what the context was. I was very young. I was like, I don’t know, 6, 7, 8 years old, somethin’ like that, and somebody actually said “Cliff!” – our bus driver’s name was Cliff – “Cliff, can you turn it to 99.4?” – whatever the fuckin’ station was – “It’s not devil music, I promise.” [Kyle laughs] And, like, at that time he was like legit concerned… First of all, he ran like a bowling team for Jesus that he tried to get me involved in.
KYLE GETZ
Bowling for Jesus, sure.
MIKE JOHNSON
But, uh- But also, like, you know, had a legit concern that like playing the wrong kind of music to this bus full of kids was gonna turn them into Satan worshippers. So, like-
KYLE GETZ
There was a lot of unfounded, and misplaced, [Mike chuckles] and genuine fear among people, like that, with things that sound ridiculous. Okay, there’re some things that led up to it from the 70s. Uh-
MIKE JOHNSON
It is the 80s though, that you’re talking about.
KYLE GETZ
It is the 80s, yes.
MIKE JOHNSON
Okay. Okay, great.
KYLE GETZ
But just some, like, context: like, in the 70s we started getting all these serial killers. Charles Manson – he was 1969 – but he was a cult leader, and a musician-
MIKE JOHNSON
Great.
KYLE GETZ
-and the group, the cult, was responsible for the murder of nine people. There was Ted Bundy, John Wayne Gacy, the Son of Sam… There wasn’t more serial killers, there was just more coverage-
MIKE JOHNSON
Sure.
KYLE GETZ
-of serial killers, in the 70s. Ted Bundy’s trial was the first one to be televised. “The Exorcist”, the film, came out in 1973.
MIKE JOHNSON
Oo.
KYLE GETZ
So there are these things-
MIKE JOHNSON
Did you see the exorcist?
KYLE GETZ
I did. I saw it, like, as an adult with my dad, and we decided to- my dad was just like “We should see this,” and it was kind of laughable-
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah.
KYLE GETZ
-now that I’m, like, looking back on it.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah, I’m sure it was terrifying at the time. Like, you know, things- special effects are way better now.
KYLE GETZ
Yeah.
MIKE JOHNSON
And the pacing of movies from the 70s is always so weird to me.
KYLE GETZ
Mmm.
MIKE JOHNSON
Like… things take a lot longer, they do a lot more like long shots of, like- of not interesting things, to create tension or something. [Kyle laughs] I don’t know. Anyway.
KYLE GETZ
Yeah. Yeah, yeah. So what really kicks off the kind of D&D portion of this is, in 1979, a 16 year old named James Dallas Egbert – Eegbert? – III disappeared from Michigan State University. Warning, this will get a little bit, uh…
MIKE JOHNSON
Grisly?
MA JOHNSON
A little bit. Uh, he disappeared and no one knew what happened to him. Turns out he tried to kill himself, but didn’t.
MIKE JOHNSON
Oh.
KYLE GETZ
But he- So, he kind of went into hiding. So there was all this media frenzy about him. He did- Later, in 1980, he did die by suicide, but there was this kind of mass scare of “Where is he?” and then the investigators found his D&D books.
MIKE JOHNSON
Oh, okay.
KYLE GETZ
And so people thought he, like, he went into the tunnels of the school because D&D, like, sends adventurers into dungeons and shit. Like, people thought that D&D was responsible for what happened to him.
MIKE JOHNSON
They found him in the tunnels of the school?
KYLE GETZ
They did not find him there.
MIKE JOHNSON
Oh.
KYLE GETZ
He did- I think he did actually go there to try to kill himself and then he, like, left but then they investigated and looked in there and they, like, made this connection with D&D and that kind of kicked off this D&D fear, this association with D&D. And there were, beyond that, a lot of people who they connected to either murders or suicides that then they saw had D&D books.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah.
KYLE GETZ
Like, I don’t know. If you look around the country at these and every so often there’s a D&D book, I’m sure you can find a pattern out of anything.
MIKE JOHNSON
Uh, when I was going to school in the 90s at Eastern Washington University – uh, I don’t know why this is popping up for me, but – there was the rumor that somebody was living in the basement of the anthropology building.
KYLE GETZ
Oh, God.
MIKE JOHNSON
And-
KYLE GETZ
That’s kinda scary.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah, exactly. And then- But, um, the one that I really want to talk about is: there was the devil door.
KYLE GETZ
What’s the devil door?
MIKE JOHNSON
I think a lot of- I think a lot of colleges have their like weird local lore-
KYLE GETZ
Yeah.
MIKE JOHNSON
-and bullshit that just like persists, but the devil door was… There was the rumor that back in the day, in the 80s, I think, that there was a kid that lived in one of the residence halls and that he was worshipping the devil and had all of these like satanic rituals in his room and that, ultimately, he died as a result of these and that a face of the devil appeared on his door. [Kyle gasps] And now the school can’t remove the door and they can’t get rid of the devil face, and so, like- And it’s- It was supposed to- And it’s not like- It’s not like a really sharp picture but it’s supposed to be like in the woodgrain of the door, is this like face of the devil.
KYLE GETZ
Ohhh. Yeah.
MIKE JOHNSON
But it was like “The devil door is a thing, and whoever lives there is cursed!” And, like, there were like several different places on campus that were supposed to have the devil door on them. And I wonder if this is a holdover from that, though, right? Like-
KYLE GETZ
That absolutely makes sense. People started being genuinely worried that there was satanic worship, that there were sacrifices. Like, people- Like, this became- That would absolutely fit in with kind of what people’s fears were around Satan, the Devil, worship, all that kind of stuff.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah.
KYLE GETZ
Um, so one-
MIKE JOHNSON
When we gonna talk about pole dancing and Lil Nas X?
KYLE GETZ
I- Whenever you want to.
MIKE JOHNSON
Okay, great. Go ahead.
KYLE GETZ
I have so much more, Mike. [laughs]
MIKE JOHNSON
Great. Okay, great. [chuckles]
KYLE GETZ
It’s so much more to tell you.
MIKE JOHNSON
I’ll stop interrupting, then. [laughs]
KYLE GETZ
No. No, no, no, please don’t, otherwise I’m gonna bore myself by just talking. [Mike laughs] In the early 80s, one of the kids who died by suicide, um, their- his mom, Patricia Pulling…
MIKE JOHNSON
Mhm. My mom’s name is Patricia.
KYLE GETZ
Then you’re- So, your mom. No, we hate her, so it’s not your mom.
MIKE JOHNSON
Oh.
KYLE GETZ
We don’t wanna make that connection.
MIKE JOHNSON
Okay.
KYLE GETZ
Um, she sued the makers of D&D for his death.
MIKE JOHNSON
Oh. Oh.
KYLE GETZ
She started, uh- A Christian group started like speaking out against D&D because it was “evil” and all this stuff. Patricia Pulling, in 1983, started the group B.A.D.D., Bothered About D&D.
MIKE JOHNSON
Oh, God. That is B.A.D.D.… naming.
KYLE GETZ
That- Yeah. That- Yeah. [Mike chuckles] Patricia…
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah.
KYLE GETZ
…let’s start by working on your acronyms.
MIKE JOHNSON
One time, my uncle got a phone call from MADD, Mothers Against Drunk Driving-
KYLE GETZ
Yes.
MIKE JOHNSON
-and he- [laughs] he said “Oh, that’s funny, I’m a founding member of DAMM… Drunk Drivers Against Mad Moms,” or whatever. [both laugh]
KYLE GETZ
I’m a founding mom- founding father of… Hanging Up the Phone.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
KYLE GETZ
Of this noise: [makes a hanging up noise].
MIKE JOHNSON
Pulling, Patricia Pulling, described D&D as, quote, “a fantasy role-playing game which uses demonology, witchcraft, voodoo, murder, rape, blasphemy, suicide, assassination, insanity, sex perversion, homosexuality, prostitution, satanic type rituals, gambling, barbarism, cannibalism, sadism, desecration, demon summoning, necromantics, divination and other teachings.”
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah… that’s why it’s fun. [laughs]
KYLE GETZ
I know, right?
MIKE JOHNSON
No.
KYLE GETZ
Also, love- Well, I mean, it does use a lot of those things, it’s true. Like, you can be- Like, you can cast spells, and you kill shit, and- I don’t know that there’s, like, suicide in it. Like, I mean, anything can have any kind of- Your storyline kind of whatever, but, like-
MIKE JOHNSON
I have no data here, I’m just gonna confidently state shit because that’s how I roll-
KYLE GETZ
Sure. Yeah, do it.
MIKE JOHNSON
-and I’m pretty sure we’ve studied it over and over and over again and found that people, on the whole, do not confuse fantasy with reality. Video games don’t make kids more violent, cartoons don’t make kids more violent, D&D doesn’t make people actually go into the tunnels of their school, or worship the devil, or cast spells.
KYLE GETZ
Yeah.
MIKE JOHNSON
Like, normal healthy human beings are just fine at separating fantasy from reality. Stop policing your kid’s fantasy life.
KYLE GETZ
Yeah. Yeah. And, if anything, it gives them this kind of power, and agency, and control in a fun world, that you get to be the hero of an adventure. And, you know, regardless of what else is going on in life, you actually get to lead this adventure and be the hero of your own- like, have the starring role in this thing?
MIKE JOHNSON
Yep.
KYLE GETZ
It’s probably actually a benefit. It probably actually gives them more confidence.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yep, absolutely. And what do you expect from, like- Well- Oh, God.
KYLE GETZ
What?
MIKE JOHNSON
What do you expect from religion… right? Like, religion is all about the supernatural and the belief that there are dark evil forces that have their hands in our day to day lives, and, like, of course you’re afraid of shit like that if like that’s your worldview.
KYLE GETZ
Yeah. Yeah, for sure.
MIKE JOHNSON
It’s- None of its real!
KYLE GETZ
It’s- None of it’s real.
MIKE JOHNSON
Okay, sorry. Okay.
KYLE GETZ
Um, so that’s the D&D side of this, happening in the 80s – in the early 80s – is when bad started. Also, other contexts of the 80s. Due to the women’s rights movements, movement, more women were going to work and that meant more people-
MIKE JOHNSON
We gotta put a stop to that! [laughs]
KYLE GETZ
You know, conservatives were – and the religious right were – “ascendant”, is what I wrote. I would- I don’t know. And they were, like, trying to emphasize the nuclear family, I think, in like conflict- in count to this counterpoint. Like, anytime someone starts to get rights, or do something helpful, the Christians and the religious right are like [in a mocking voice] “Wait, what about the family?”
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah.
KYLE GETZ
Which, you know, we’re seeing now. But, because parent moms had to now go to work as well, that led to more daycares and people started to feel guilty about sending their kids to daycares. Also, at the same time, we started realizing and accepting that child sexual abuse was real. Like, there was this kind of public reckoning and understanding that this was a real thing that was really happening. People had, like, denied it and didn’t want to believe that this kind of thing happened, and we as a society were just finally accepting that that is true. And so, these things came together to mean that people started blaming and attacking these daycare centers and saying that they were molesting children, basically.
MIKE JOHNSON
Ah.
KYLE GETZ
The biggest one… [Mike chuckles] What?
MIKE JOHNSON
Meanwhile, churches were. Like- [laughs]
KYLE GETZ
Churches are actually doing this shit. Exactly. [in a mocking voice] “We care about the family, we’re the Religious Right, we’re worried about children getting molested,” molests children, like, themselves. Um, so the biggest one happened in 198-
MIKE JOHNSON
Happy birthday! [laughs]
KYLE GETZ
Happy birth to us! Devil worship. 1983, the same year that B.A.D.D. started, a woman accused an employee at the McMartin preschool of abusing her child.
MIKE JOHNSON
‘Kay.
KYLE GETZ
They- As a result of this, the preschool sent out a letter to hundreds of students and said “This person” one of the employees, Randy somethin’, “got arrested for abusing your child. Ask your children if they were abused at this preschool.”
MIKE JOHNSON
Oh my god.
KYLE GETZ
They had an- They had someone, uh-
MIKE JOHNSON
Oh my god.
KYLE GETZ
Not a police. They had someone come in and interview children. Someone that didn’t get a- had a welder’s certificate-
MIKE JOHNSON
Great.
KYLE GETZ
-did not get a degree-
Sure, okay.
KYLE GETZ
-interview hundreds and hundreds of kids, asking them. And, at the time, we did not know how to interview kids, so they- she would keep asking them. I listened to an episode of My Favorite Murder about this, and she said that, like, some of the things this woman said when interviewing kids is “Are you stupid, or do you know that this happened?”
MIKE JOHNSON
Oh my god. Oh my god!
KYLE GETZ
Or they would ask and they would-
MIKE JOHNSON
They’re probably stupid but… [laughs]
KYLE GETZ
You’re probably stupid, you’re a dumbass little kid. And we were wrestling with, like, “You’re a dumbass little kid, but believe children because abuse is real,” so then people were now believing everything they said, and you could make kids say whatever. A lot of the kids like later would say that “I knew that I wasn’t leaving this interview room until I said it happened.”
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah.
KYLE GETZ
This led to claims of wh- not only abuse, but children claimed that some of the teachers flew, physically flew around the air-
MIKE JOHNSON
Sure.
KYLE GETZ
-that there was a tunnel of pipes underneath that- And, like, that sent investigators to, like… “Are there pipes under this school that lead to a different place?” No, there’s not.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah. Yeah. There’s no basement to that pizza place either, right? Like- [laughs]
KYLE GETZ
Yes. Yes, yes. This is so similar to that. People just created this- They claimed that they were sacrifi- like, they sacrificed animals. Which, if that’s the case, there’s blood. There’s fucking tons of blood and evidence. None of this is substantiated, still we spent $15 million prosecuting six people. Originally, it was six people. After a week, they dropped- Uh- Oh no.
MIKE JOHNSON
Kyle, did you ever read The Crucible?
KYLE GETZ
I feel like I did, in school, and then promptly forgot it.
MIKE JOHNSON
It’s just about the Salem witch trials and how just, like, absolutely hysterical people can get and how people feel compelled to, like, give evidence because then that means that, like, the- it’s off of them.
KYLE GETZ
Off- Yep.
MIKE JOHNSON
Right? Like-
KYLE GETZ
Yep. Yeah. Yeah.
MIKE JOHNSON
Like “I won’t get accused if I do all the accusing, so here we go,” right?
KYLE GETZ
Yes, it’s…. the Donald Trump story.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah, [laughs] the Donald Trump story. Happy indictment week, Kyle.
KYLE GETZ
Oh my god, we didn’t t- [Mike laughs] Yeah. What a joyous day for all of us. Um, prosecutors originally charged seven employees with more than 100 counts of child molestation. A week later, they dropped the ch- A week later!
MIKE JOHNSON
Sure.
KYLE GETZ
They dropped the charges against five of them, saying they didn’t have the evidence.
MIKE JOHNSON
Sure
KYLE GETZ
Like, that’s not enoug- A week later? You knew.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah. Yep.
KYLE GETZ
But the trial went on. I mentioned that ‘83 was when she first accused. The trial went until 1990.
MIKE JOHNSON
Jesus, fuck. Why does shit take so long? [chuckles]
KYLE GETZ
There were never any charges filed agai- Like, they either- It was either a mistrial or charges were dropped. Like, there were never any charges, any- No one was ever found guilty as a result of this.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah. Well, if that shit fell apart real quick, you should’ve done a better job of welding, I guess. [Kyle laughs]
KYLE GETZ
Stick to fucking welding. [Mike chuckles] So this was the big- one of the biggest cases, one of the earliest cases, but this happened to dozens of childcare centers across the country. There were these- People were sharing information about Satan cults and devil worship and everything at, like, conferences. So FBI, police, psychologists, like all these people were sharing all this information about devil worship and all this stuff, to get everyone worried.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah.
KYLE GETZ
In 1985 there was a 20/20 segment about Satan worship, and they said that rock music was associated with devil worships.
MIKE JOHNSON
Sure.
KYLE GETZ
In 1985, there was also a 60 Minutes that had a special on D&D like asking about whether, you know, it was safe. 1988, NBC had a special hosted by Geraldo Rivera. As a result of this, this big panic in the 80s, 200 people were charged with crimes and dozens of people were mostly falsely convicted of some of these crimes.
MIKE JOHNSON
Wow. Wow.
KYLE GETZ
So it is this wild, I think, combination of we were wrestling… we were wrestling with child abuse, we swung too far in believing children, didn’t know the proper techniques to believe and understand children who talked about an abuse, and we took this moral panic and ran with it in the media with no- absolutely no evidence. And that seeped into culture and society, to the point that, like, we’ve talked to- When we went to our friend’s wedding her mom was like “Isn’t D&D, like, Satan worship?” and I- hopefully, I tried to be- have calmly like “Oh, no. Like, that’s not true, that’s-” Like, but people still today will associate D&D with, like- We take things without evidence because we heard them on the news, and news can stoke the flames of fear. Christians, right-wing people stoke the flames of this fear that led to millions of dollars, hundreds of people’s lives…. I mean I’m guessing probably being ruined, if you’re being charged with this shit.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yep.
KYLE GETZ
So it’s- It’s… God, a fucking wild time. I’m- I also assume that there was a male guy that worked at the child- the, uh, McMartin’s place. I have- I- Nothing said he- I believe he was straight. Nothing said that he was gay, but I have to think that people were, like, weirded out by a dude at a-
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah. Yeah.
KYLE GETZ
-um, preschool.
MIKE JOHNSON
I mean, I suppose they probably should be, [chuckles] right? I don’t know.
KYLE GETZ
What? No! They shouldn’t. Mike, you take that back.
MIKE JOHNSON
Okay, take it back.
KYLE GETZ
Okay. That’s the Satanic panic.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah. God, what a- You’re right, it was a weird time. And, like, I remember I started playing Dungeons and Dragons in the late 80s.
KYLE GETZ
Wow.
MIKE JOHNSON
And there were friends of mine that weren’t allowed to play-
KYLE GETZ
Yeah.
MIKE JOHNSON
-because Satan.
KYLE GETZ
Yeah.
MIKE JOHNSON
Especially like in high school, like ’92, ‘93. One of my very best friends, his dad was our youth group leader and was just like “No. You can play other role playing games that don’t have spells.” [Kyle laughs] That was the-
KYLE GETZ
Yeah, that one got such a bad rap.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah.
KYLE GETZ
But, also, kind of helped increase their sales? Like, it was this weird kinda-
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah, it’s counterculture then, right? Like-
KYLE GETZ
Yeah. Yeah. And more people know about it! Like- Yeah. If your parents say “Don’t play this game,” what’s the first thing you want to do, as a kid?
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. Did you ever do the, like, the Bloody Mary thing, of, like-
KYLE GETZ
Oh, no.
MIKE JOHNSON
-like lock yourself in a dark bathroom and say “Bloody Mary,” however many times in the mirror and she’d appear?
KYLE GETZ
I’ve heard that but no, I never did that.
MIKE JOHNSON
I associate that with all of this bullshit.
KYLE GETZ
That makes sense to me, but I- Yeah, that didn’t come up in anything I looked at but that makes sense, is all of this is tied together somehow.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah. Well, here’s something that doesn’t make sense, Kyle.
KYLE GETZ
Okay. [chuckles]
MIKE JOHNSON
So, Christians and symbolism: Christians don’t have a lock on that, right? Like, there’re lots of different cultures and religions that have all of these, like, ideas about what these symbols mean, and numbers are very very often a target – or, a conduit – for these kinds of ideas. And, in Christianity, there’s this idea that the number 7 is perfect, that there were the seven days of creation and, um-
KYLE GETZ
Seven minutes in heaven… [laughs] That’s- That’s Christian, right?
MIKE JOHNSON
Is that- Is that true? Is that true?
KYLE GETZ
No, that’s makin’ out in the closet.
MIKE JOHNSON
Oh. Well, okay.
KYLE GETZ
Seven dwarfs.
MIKE JOHNSON
Well…
KYLE GETZ
[laughs] So many Christian references I can come up with.
MIKE JOHNSON
Okay, so, the number 7 is the biblical number for perfection and completeness, so there’s the seven days of creation, the seven sacraments, the seven seals, and 6 – one short of seven – is the biblical number representing sin and imperfection. And this ties into the idea that 666 is an evil number, and it’s hard to know- There’s a cart and horse problem here, right? Like is- is 666 evil because the number 6 is sin and imperfection, or is 6 the number of sin and imperfection because of 666- It’s just- It doesn’t make a ton of sense but there’s this whole article that I read, on churchmilitant.com-
KYLE GETZ
Okay. Interesting.
MIKE JOHNSON
-and it’s called “The Gay Rainbow Is a Mark of the Beast”. [Kyle gaps] Right? Which, I think- [chuckles]
KYLE GETZ
Well, I mean, they might have a point. I’ll wait to withhold judgment ‘til I hear more, but they might- it might be true. [chuckles]
MIKE JOHNSON
Well, so it says in here that the reason that the rainbow is seven colors is because it’s perfect. Red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo and violet. That is- That represents a message of God’s “perfection and completeness”, and, quote, “In the post-diluvian era, it’s intuitive that God would bestow upon the earth the seven-colored rainbow. By fixing a seven-colored rainbow in the sky, God emblazoned the very instrument of earth’s prior destruction (the rain cloud) with a sign of His oath of mercy and forbearance.” [Kyle chuckles] He goes on. This is my favorite, “The LGBT rainbow mocks God. It is a six-colored rainbow.”
KYLE GETZ
That- Yeah, it’s true.
MIKE JOHNSON
And- [laughs]
KYLE GETZ
We dropped one of the colors along the way.
MIKE JOHNSON
Just so we can thumb our noses at God. He says “The LGBT banner celebrates a debauched group, one swollen with contumacious pride, composed of those who thumb their noses at God through a counter-natural abuse of human sexuality”.
KYLE GETZ
Yeah. I thumb my nose at you, God!
MIKE JOHNSON
Oh my god. “The rainbow flag flaunts a Luciferian attachment to sin.” [chuckles]
KYLE GETZ
“Luciferian”? That’s a $10 word.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah, yeah. “a commitment to remain fixed in it. It represents an allegiance to the privations of the creature rather than to the plenitude of the Creator.” I-
KYLE GETZ
This is someone that is just using big words to sound like they know what they’re talking about. This is someone that is, like- When I took the SAT or like the STAAR test back in Texas – or, TAAS back then – our teachers would tell us one big word before we sat down and they were like “Everyone, use this one big word in your writing and you’re gonna sound- it’s gonna make your essay sound even better.” Right before we sat down, just taught us one word. And it sounds like some teacher- One, that’s a weird teaching technique, but that sounds like someone just like looked up a bunch of big words and was like “Ah, yes, ‘The plentitude of survivorship of the Luciferian dream,’” or something. Like-
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah, here’s-
KYLE GETZ
That doesn’t help.
MIKE JOHNSON
Congrats, you have a Bible and a thesaurus. I’m very proud of you, you dickbag.
KYLE GETZ
Yeah.
MIKE JOHNSON
Um, so, uh, he goes on and talks about- Okay, first of all, have you seen a fucking rainbow? Like a real, actual, in the sky rainbow? It does not have seven distinct colors. That is not how rainbows work.
KYLE GETZ
Oh. [laughs] No, there’s lines in between each one [Mike laughs] so you can distinctly count. Yeah, yeah yeah.
MIKE JOHNSON
It’s- That’s not- It’s- Every color is in the rainbow. There’s not- So, there is no seven colored rainbow, much less a six colored rainbow.
KYLE GETZ
Do rainbows have infinity colors?
MIKE JOHNSON
Yes!
KYLE GETZ
Huh! Never thought.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yes! Yes, every color.
KYLE GETZ
Every color.
MIKE JOHNSON
And more than the colors that you can see.
KYLE GETZ
Mhm.
MIKE JOHNSON
Like, when we say “ultraviolet” light that’s because it’s beyond the end of the rainbow. The rainbow keeps going, your eyesight just doesn’t pick it up, because there’s more co- Anyway.
KYLE GETZ
Yeah. And it gets me tan.
MIKE JOHNSON
And infrared, same thing. Past- Yeah, and it gets you tan. Okay, so I said earlier that, like, the mark of the Beast is thought, by eschatologists, to be this thing that you’re going to have to have in order to do commerce.
KYLE GETZ
Mm. Oh, yeah yeah yeah.
MIKE JOHNSON
Right? Like, to buy and sell stuff?
KYLE GETZ
Yeah.
MIKE JOHNSON
So this guy is pulling in this idea that, because companies now have to make rainbow versions of their logos for Pride in order to be successful at selling shit, the-
KYLE GETZ
Ohhhhh.
MIKE JOHNSON
-rainbow flag is the mark of the beast. It is the 666 for modern companies.
KYLE GETZ
Okay, in a fucked up way, if you think that 666 is gonna show up in commerce and there are six colors of the rainbow – the gay rainbow – and companies- Like, I can see all the connection there, but in the same way I can draw dotted lines between literally two things, like, and just pretend like- Like lizards and baseball bats. Like, I’ve- If I ever see them two together, and then I’m- You know?
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah, abso- And there’s something about most religions, but Christianity in particular, where you get to just say things [Kyle chuckles] that are just so and everyone will smile and nod. [Kyle chuckles] Like, no further information needed.
KYLE GETZ
Yeah.
MIKE JOHNSON
Like, “I believe that.”
KYLE GETZ
Yeah.
MIKE JOHNSON
Like, there’s so much circular reasoning to all of these things, and-
KYLE GETZ
I mean, it’s their foundation. Like, the justification for why the Bible is real is “The Bible exists.” Like, the foundation of their logic is based on circular reasoning.
MIKE JOHNSON
Absolutely. Yep, absolutely. And it goes on and brings in Black Lives Matter-
KYLE GETZ
Oh boy.
MIKE JOHNSON
-because it was founded by lesbians, and they “hate the Western nuclear family”, which you were talking about-
KYLE GETZ
Sssure.
MIKE JOHNSON
-you know, in your segment earlier. And that Antifa, because Antifa thinks that Christian heteronormativity is fascist and – it is – and there’s a big secret gay cabal, and that the-
KYLE GETZ
That’s true, it’s- [chuckles] but it’s the first Saturday of every month is our big gay cabal.
MIKE JOHNSON
I just- I just- Anything. Anything. Anything to shit on us.
KYLE GETZ
Yeah.
MIKE JOHNSON
Whether it makes any fucking sense at all or not. That’s what we’re up against, right?
KYLE GETZ
Yeah. Yeah
MIKE JOHNSON
Like, and I don’t know how to have a conversation with people that are like that, that believe. That, like- Your- I mean, this is not- I’m not proud of how this sounds, but whatever. If your sky daddy gave you a book and said “Hate these people,” and you just do it, and you don’t question where the book came from, or what the book is actually saying, or whether… I just- I hate it so much, Kyle.
KYLE GETZ
Yeah. Yeah, it is really hard to have those conver- Which, in spite of all the making fun of, like, it’s really helpful that we have people like Joseph Peters-Matthews that can speak that language.
MIKE JOHNSON
Mhm, mhm, mhm.
KYLE GETZ
They- He is a priest, so he also- He has the authority, within Christianity, and he can speak their language. Like, that’s why working from within, I think, is really useful. Me, an atheist, is never gonna say something to someone like that and convince them otherwise. Like… Are you counting how many colors?
MIKE JOHNSON
We have seven! Our Gayish logo has seven, Kyle.
KYLE GETZ
Oh no, I wish we had six instead!
MIKE JOHNSON
I know!
KYLE GETZ
We’re not devil enough.
MIKE JOHNSON
I guess not.
KYLE GETZ
I guess we’re not- Okay, to answer JR5’s – whatever’s – question: I don’t think we’re the devil.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah. We’re not the devil.
KYLE GETZ
Fuck. Like, “Gayish” has six letters.
MIKE JOHNSON
It does. That’s true.
KYLE GETZ
Maybe we’re a little both! Little heaven, little hell.
MIKE JOHNSON
We’re hell-ish.
KYLE GETZ
Hellish! [both laugh] Should we make an announcement?
MIKE JOHNSON
Let’s make an announcement.
KYLE GETZ
Okay.
MIKE JOHNSON
Are you ready?
KYLE GETZ
Yes.
MIKE JOHNSON
Do you want to do it?
KYLE GETZ
Oh, yes!
MIKE JOHNSON
It’s your turn.
KYLE GETZ
Um, we-
MIKE JOHNSON
…I think. I don’t know. [laughs]
KYLE GETZ
Um, we did a contest-
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah!
KYLE GETZ
-roughly 10,011 years ago-
MIKE JOHNSON
Yep.
KYLE GETZ
-for a new merch, and someone made a news t-shirt and so we had a designer work on that and now, in the merch store, is going to be a new t-shirt. It’s such a cute design. Thank you to Katherine for doing this design. It’s a person that’s, like- has ball gag in their mouth and it says…
MIKE JOHNSON
“Shut your mouth hole” “it’s time for your ear holes”.
KYLE GETZ
So, if you would like a news t-shirt, that is now available in the merch store.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yep. Was it Andy Baneline-
KYLE GETZ
Yes!
MIKE JOHNSON
-came up with that idea as part of that contest, and so we’re just finally getting around to, like, making that happen.
KYLE GETZ
You know. Eventually we do things we say we will. [chuckles]
MIKE JOHNSON
And, Andy, I assume that we have your mailing address. We’ll send you one of the shirts, just let us know what size.
KYLE GETZ
Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. Um, we’ll also have a new mug in the merch store, a “Hey Mike… Hey Kyle…” mug that’s also adorable and is the like Progress Flag, like rainbow flag?
MIKE JOHNSON
Yep.
KYLE GETZ
Probably with six colors, now that I think about it. But all- It’s made up of the words “Hey Mike” “Hey Kyle”.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah. It’s adorable.
KYLE GETZ
Um, yeah.
MIKE JOHNSON
Get new merch, everybody!
KYLE GETZ
Get new merch!
MIKE JOHNSON
Get new merch.
KYLE GETZ
Should I- Is it my turn?
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah, it’s your turn.
KYLE GETZ
Okay. Happy birthday to us!
MIKE JOHNSON
Happy birthday to us, Kyle!
KYLE GETZ
I’m gonna tell you about a study.
MIKE JOHNSON
Okay.
KYLE GETZ
It is called the “Social perception and interpersonal behavior: On the self-fulfilling nature of social stereotypes”.
MIKE JOHNSON
Ooh, that’s what our show is about.
KYLE GETZ
It’s a type of stereo.
MIKE JOHNSON
It’s a type of stereo.
KYLE GETZ
A stereo type. Uh, by Snarder, Tanke, and Berscherw…. [TN: Snyder, Tanke, and Berscheid]
MIKE JOHNSON
That’ sound- All of those names are made-up.
KYLE GETZ
I did good. [chuckles]
KYLE GETZ
Um, in 1977-
MIKE JOHNSON
Okay.
KYLE GETZ
Might be the oldest one I’ve done… uh, which appeared in The Journal of Personal [TN: Personality] and Social Psychology. I really liked this one. This is kind of just a classic, just, a study about stereotypes.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah.
KYLE GETZ
What they did- And there’s so many things that it was like “This is- definitely was done in the 70s.” Um, they were examining social stereotypes and basically their self-fulfilling nature. So they started with we know that attractiveness is linked to greater likability.
MIKE JOHNSON
Sure.
KYLE GETZ
So that’s the stereotype they started with.
MIKE JOHNSON
Why everyone loves me. [laughs] …Great. [inhales and exhales loudly]
KYLE GETZ
…So, men were categorized as the “perceivers”-
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah.
KYLE GETZ
-and they were given a picture of a woman, which was called the “target”. [chuckles]
MIKE JOHNSON
Great.
KYLE GETZ
Oh, no. [laughs] That’s not- I think we might have used different nomenclature if we did this study again. Um, and they were given either an attractive picture or an unattractive picture.
MIKE JOHNSON
Okay.
KYLE GETZ
And-
MIKE JOHNSON
Also very problematic. [laughs]
KYLE GETZ
I’m gonna take a- Yes, for sure. Also, I’m gonna guess they, like, intentional- Like, I- Anyone of us can be like “Do an unattractive face,” and, you know, like you like do weird and scrunched up, and-
MIKE JOHNSON
Okay.
KYLE GETZ
I dunno.
MIKE JOHNSON
Okay.
KYLE GETZ
That’s what I’m gonna guess happened. I don’t actually know that. [chuckles] And they, then, had an unstructured 10 minute conversation.
MIKE JOHNSON
Okay.
MIKE JOHNSON
So they- Over the phone. So they didn’t actually see, they just saw the picture of this woman. When the woman was rated as “attractive” they had a more friendly, likeable conversation than those that were rated as “unattractive”.
MIKE JOHNSON
Oh, wow. Okay.
KYLE GETZ
The unattractive- Like, women rated as “unattractive”, when the picture was rated as unattractive it was more like the assumption. You know, socially awkward. Like, that kind of thing.
MIKE JOHNSON
Sure.
KYLE GETZ
Then they also had people watch those conversations, just looking at the men and they don’t know what the women look like, the observers could tell whether men rated them as attractive or not based on the contents of the conversation.
MIKE JOHNSON
Oh, wow. Okay.
KYLE GETZ
So even an outside observer could tell-
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah.
KYLE GETZ
-what they thought of this woman. So it- Like, when I think of stereotypes I not only think- I think of a self-fulfilling prophecy in that I will see that stereotype in you.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah.
KYLE GETZ
You know, even if it’s 10%, even if it’s 1% of the world, or just a tiny part of who you are, I will see that in you.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah.
KYLE GETZ
But what this showed is that, not only that, you create the stereotype yourself.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah.
KYLE GETZ
I think you’re attractive, so I’m going to have a better conversation with you, thus creating you being, in my mind, more likeable.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah.
KYLE GETZ
Like, I thought that was really interesting and something I never thought of, that we manifest stereotypes ourselves.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah.
KYLE GETZ
Not just see them and others.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah, yeah. Absolutely.
KYLE GETZ
So I just love that that was just like- So rarely do I just pick like studies on stereotypes, and I just think they’re very interesting. Particularly, you know, speaking to the show, for our 6th birthday I thought it was a good one. And also, in the Journal of Personal and Social Psychology, this appeared on pages 656 and 666.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeaahh, 666!
KYLE GETZ
So that’s why I picked it.
MIKE JOHNSON
Well- I mean, having a study from page 666, I think, is like… We’ve had less tortured segues, you know? Like- [both laugh]
KYLE GETZ
I was very excited when I found- [Mike laughs] This was the only study related to 666. That I could find.
MIKE JOHNSON
Uh, do we have any other announcements?
KYLE GETZ
Um, one last thing, just to mention. I mentioned on a previous episode, but just so y’all know, part of the Patreon funds that we get help fund doing transcripts for each of our episodes.
MIKE JOHNSON
Oh, yeah yeah.
KYLE GETZ
That was something that actually, on the survey, more than I expected, people said that they would be either “likely” or “very likely” to use transcripts if they were available. So, um, that was a decent chunk. So we tested it out, and so now we’re- Going forward, all of our episodes should have a transcript. I’m, you know, ironing out the process itself. So you can go to our website right now and find transcripts of our most recent episodes. And, in the future, my goal will be to have that in the episode description once they become available. So it won’t right away, but once- You know, because it takes time to actually have a human- You know, we pay a person to actually do this.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yep.
KYLE GETZ
Which is what we use your funds for.
MIKE JOHNSON
Is his name Chat GPT? [said like “Chat Jiput”]
KYLE GETZ
[laughs] They are a real human person, I believe.
MIKE JOHNSON
Oh, okay. Yeah. [chuckles]
KYLE GETZ
That’d be funny, if they just turned around and then sent it- Like “Here you go, dumbasses paying me money to do this.” Um, but no. So thank you. I think that both- That both helps us in the, like, marketing and promotion of like having more content on our website. But, you know, I think the bigger thing is having that be- making our website, or making our show, a little bit more accessible for everyone. So we appreciate the Patreon funds that help us do cool things like that.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah.
KYLE GETZ
And the tour. That’s the only- Like, we could not do a tour without Patreon funds to help on that. So, like-
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah. Yeah.
MIKE JOHNSON
It turns out… Alaska Airlines wants money [both laugh] to send us places.
KYLE GETZ
Yeah. So, this was not meant to be a Patreon plug, but if you can support us, especially now that you know you get a discount on our live show tickets-
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeaaahh!
KYLE GETZ
-please do that. We’d appreciate it.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah, do it! Okay, I’m gonna-
KYLE GETZ
Okay!
MIKE JOHNSON
I’m gonna talk to you about gematria, Kyle.
KYLE GETZ
Okay, what’s gematria?
MIKE JOHNSON
Gematria, [saying it “GEM-ah-tree-uh”] or gematria… [“GIH-ma-tree-uh”] G- G- Gematria? [“GUH-meh-tree-uh”] Gematria. [“GUM-ah-tree-uh”] Gematria. [“GUM-eh-tree-uh”]
KYLE GETZ
Genuine?
MIKE JOHNSON
It’s GUH-maayyyy-tree-uh, gematria! Final answer, gematria.
KYLE GETZ
Great.
MIKE JOHNSON
Um, but it is the practice of assigning a numerical value to a name, word, or phrase according to an alphanumerical cipher. So it’s kind of like numerology-
KYLE GETZ
I was gonna say num-
MIKE JOHNSON
-but it’s specifically a word. It’s different methods of taking a word or phrase and turning it into a number.
KYLE GETZ
Is this some kind of, like, cipher code kind of thing that you could do?
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah. Yeah. And more than that, right? Like, there are- Lots of different languages, over history, have had these kinds of things and have had more or less attachment to the meanings that you could pull out of them. Hebrew had it, Greek had it, Latin had it. This, just, idea that like an A gets you one point-
KYLE GETZ
Right.
MIKE JOHNSON
-an L gets you 50 points, whatever. Turns out that a lot of people think that the number 666 from the Bible and the mark of the Beast… that when they say “You will know the number of the Beast,” that that was whoever the antichrists name is. That one or more of these systems, through gematria [“GUH-mih-tree-uh”] – gematria, [“GUH-may-tree-uh”] gematria, [“GUH-mah-tree-uh”] gematria [“GUH-me-tree-uh”] – that the name of the Antichrist will translate to “666” in this system.
KYLE GETZ
FFF?
MIKE JOHNSON
Uh… maybe.
KYLE GETZ
F is the 6th letter, so. F-F-F-F-F-F-F-Fuck.
MIKE JOHNSON
Fuck, yeah. Um, okay, so- So my source here is gematrix.org.
KYLE GETZ
Sure.
MIKE JOHNSON
Uh, G-E-M-A-T-R-I-X .org, and it will take any words, phrase, name, whatever and tell you in three different systems, Hebrew, English, or simple gematria what the value is.
KYLE GETZ
Okay.
MIKE JOHNSON
So, first, I went in and I said “Mike Johnson” and that is, in Hebrew is 932, in English is 798, and in simple is 133. I am- I am clean.
KYLE GETZ
[laughs] I don’t see any-
MIKE JOHNSON
And if I do “Michael Johnson”, in Hebrew is 954, English is 876, simple is 146.
KYLE GETZ
Okay, I see nothing to outlandishly evil about that.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah. “Kyle Getz” in Hebrew is 1047, in simple is 1111, and in English is 666. [Kyle gasps] You are the motherfucking Antichrist, Kyle!
KYLE GETZ
Are you serious?
MIKE JOHNSON
Serious? Serious as a heart attack.
KYLE GETZ
Wow! I- I kind of felt like I was all- I always felt a little different than everyone else.
MIKE JOHNSON
You are the motherfucking Antichrist, in the immortal words of Paul Giamatti in Sideways. No, I think it was Paul Giamatti but not in Sideways. It was, um, Private Parts, the Howard Stern movie. Anyway-
KYLE GETZ
[laughs] Wow.
MIKE JOHNSON
I was just- I was very excited to learn that, at least according to this – this very reputable site – that… yeah. Uh, Derek, let’s do Derek. …You’re- You’re clean. Hebrew is 298, English is 690, and simple is 115.
KYLE GETZ
690, nice.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah. [laughs]
KYLE GETZ
That’s 69 with an extra hole.
MIKE JOHNSON
“Gayish”, by the way, Hebrew is 515, English is 414, simple is 69.
KYLE GETZ
[gasps] Gayish is 69?!
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah. [laughs]
KYLE GETZ
Awh, guys, I love it!
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah. Adding your middle name puts you in the clear.
KYLE GETZ
I should be one of those people that goes by all of my names then.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah, like a serial killer.
KYLE GETZ
Like a serial killer! Well, that- Yeah. What- What do I want? That makes me seem even more like a devil. [both chuckle] You can go by my, um- Try my nickname… Mc…Blastoff. I don’t-
MIKE JOHNSON
“McBlastoff”? [both chuckle]
KYLE GETZ
Yeah, you know, everyone in our friend group calls me “McBlastoff”.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah. [chuckles] Um, 308, 582, 97.
KYLE GETZ
Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
MIKE JOHNSON
Uh, McBlastoff.
KYLE GETZ
Yeah, just call me McBO. [Mike laughs]
MIKE JOHNSON
That’s all. That’s all I had.
KYLE GETZ
[speaking demonically, gravelly] Kill your pets. [Mike laughing] Drink the blood of your enemies. [coughs] [speaking normally] Sorry, I don’t know what that was. Ah… did we do it?
MIKE JOHNSON
Did we do it? We did it.
KYLE GETZ
I think so.
MIKE JOHNSON
We talked about 666 quite a bit.
KYLE GETZ
We did. We talked about devil stuff, we-
MIKE JOHNSON
We had birthday drinks.
KYLE GETZ
We had birthday drinks.
MIKE JOHNSON
We had birthday cheesecake.
KYLE GETZ
That’s true. Thank you-
MIKE JOHNSON
Look for the pictures on Instagram.
KYLE GETZ
@gayishpodcast. Thank you for the birthday cheesecake, that was delicious.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah! Absolutely. There’s two more in the fridge, if you want.
KYLE GETZ
Ooo, yum.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah.
KYLE GETZ
Okay.
MIKE JOHNSON
So, should we- Should we- Should we take a break?
KYLE GETZ
Birthday break!
MIKE JOHNSON
Birthday break!
KYLE GETZ
Fwaaa!
MIKE JOHNSON
Break, break, breakity break.
KYLE GETZ
That was blowing a… Fwaaa! [makes a shrill squeaky noise of air blowing tightly between something]
MIKE JOHNSON
Great. Break.
KYLE GETZ
Break.
[Break music plays, sung by MIKE JOHNSON]
This is the part where Mike and Kyle take a break!
MIKE JOHNSON
Are we back?
KYLE GETZ
We’re back!
MIKE JOHNSON
We’re back! Happy birthday, Kyle!
KYLE GETZ
Happy birthday! [both chuckle] Uh, we are gonna do our Gayest & Straightest.
MIKE JOHNSON
We’re going to do our Gayest & Straightest, but first… local gay bar review!
KYLE GETZ
Ooo!
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah. This time I’m gonna to talk about The Mixx, with two Xs.
KYLE GETZ
Mixx. [emphasizing both Xs]
MIKE JOHNSON
Mixx, in San Francisco, California. I was there in the fall and it was- It’s- It’s interesting because when you first come into it you’re like “Oh, this is kind of like a small, like, cozy spot,” but then you keep going and then you keep going and there’s like this big outdoor like patio part in the rear of it, which was outdoors. So it was kind of cold, but they still did the, like, the heater things and um, uh- But really what The Mixx should be known for is my newfound love for Topo Chico. [Kyle chuckles] That’s where I first encountered the Topo Chico, of which you fed me many last night when we were-
KYLE GETZ
Yes, you’re welcome.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah, exactly. Uh, but yeah, Topo Chico seltzer is- I’m a big fan, and The Mixx is where I first encountered them. I was hanging out there with my friend Trey who’s amazing. And uh, yeah. But didn’t get laid, but I’ll give it a 4 dildos.
KYLE GETZ
4 dildos. That’s a solid rating. That’s pretty good.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yep, yep, yep.
KYLE GETZ
Nice!
MIKE JOHNSON
Uh, now, our website is gayishpodcast.com.
KYLE GETZ
You can find our communities on Discord, Facebook Groups, or Spaces our biggest ones. You can find those, usually we’re @gayishpodcast, or go to gayishpodcast.com/contacts to figure out all the places you can find us and hang out with listeners.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yep. Our hotline, you can send us text messages or leave us voicemails, is 5855-Gayish. That’s 585-542-9474. Standard rates apply.
KYLE GETZ
Our email is gayishpodcast@gmail.com
MIKE JOHNSON
And our physical mailing address is Post Office Box 19882 Seattle, Washington 98109. And I’m sorry I asked for gifts so many times that nobody sent us anything. [Kyle chuckles] I feel like it was my fault.
KYLE GETZ
Um, I- On the Patreon segment this week, we opened gifts to each other, so-
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah!
KYLE GETZ
-thanks for giving me some nice shit.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah, same.
KYLE GETZ
Uhh, Gayest & Straightest?
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah, let’s do our Gayest & Straightest.
KYLE GETZ
Uh-
MIKE JOHNSON
Go ahead.
KYLE GETZ
I’ll go. Um, so my gayest is walking here. Boy, I walk so fast.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah you do. [chuckles]
KYLE GETZ
I was like “I should get there at like 10 after,” and I got here five- three after something. Something where I made up like five minutes in walking time.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah.
KYLE GETZ
Just ‘cause how quickly walk.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yep. Yeah. It’s also downhill.
KYLE GETZ
It’s also downhill, I just tumbled-
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah.
KYLE GETZ
-most of the way, [Mike laughs] which was fun.
MIKE JOHNSON
We should get you some roller skates, maybe.
KYLE GETZ
I was thinking, like, there all those rental scooters that are now all strewn about the city. I could just like get on a roll- I would die though. I would be very nervous.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah. [chuckles]
KYLE GETZ
Um, my straightest is just the idea that I am going to see a Kraken game with my parents.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeaahh!
KYLE GETZ
My parents are in town. Even the fact that- Like, I haven’t even gone yet and the fact that I am going is the straightest thing about me this week.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah, yeah. It’s like- It’s like, it’s so straight it has gone back in time.
KYLE GETZ
Yes, it bleeds into- [Mike laughs] And get ready for next week’s, when it will have been going to it. But yeah, it’s just so straight.
MIKE JOHNSON
I had dinner with your parents last night. It was lovely to see them.
KYLE GETZ
You did. Yeah, yeah.
MIKE JOHNSON
How many- [chuckles] How many people have gotten to meet them? [laughs]
KYLE GETZ
Um, Seattle people, just a few people. Like, the last time- They came in town actually right after COVID, but I didn’t- Like, you know, we weren’t seeing a lot of people. Yeah, it’s only a handful people that have met my parents.
MIKE JOHNSON
They’re fun. It’s great.
KYLE GETZ
Yeah, yeah.
MIKE JOHNSON
Uhh, okay, so, the gayest thing about me this week: I was on Grindr…
KYLE GETZ
Sure.
MIKE JOHNSON
Which, that’s not that gay.
KYLE GETZ
No.
MIKE JOHNSON
But uh, this- This, like, very very hot dude started talking to me and I was like- my, like, Spidey sense was tingling. And lately I’ve been, like, kind of mean or rude about it. Like, if I think you’re a robot then I will fuck with you.
KYLE GETZ
Yeah.
MIKE JOHNSON
And, uh- But I did that less than normal. But it was very clear to me that this was a robot person. But uh, he said some random, I don’t know, shit that was like… I don’t know. There’s some phrases that you just, like, you’re sure that that’s a robot then. Like-
KYLE GETZ
One thing, they always start talking about like “I’m in love with you” like very quick.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah. Or uh, they’ll say “Am Kyle here, and you?” [Kyle chuckles] Like, that’s- That’s not how words work. But anyway, I said “You sound kind of like a bot,” to which his reply- its reply was “I hope you and your family die in a car accident. Don’t bother me,” and then blocked me. [laughs]
KYLE GETZ
Jesus Christ! That’s a little much, sir!
MIKE JOHNSON
Right? Yeah, that escalated quickly.
KYLE GETZ
Yeah. [Mike laughs] “You sound like a bot,” “DIE!” Jesus.
MIKE JOHNSON
And then the straightest thing about me this week was a notification that I got from Spotify that they had a new list in my “For me” category, and the first four songs on it were Ed Sheeran. [both laugh]
KYLE GETZ
Why is Ed- He has universal- Why is he so straight though?
MIKE JOHNSON
I don’t-
KYLE GETZ
I- But he is. [Mike laughs] That’s hilarious.
MIKE JOHNSON
Okay, so, the magic that is Discord. Our Discord server is amazing, it’s a big beautiful community. We’ve got like over 1500 people in there, and I said today “@everyone we are about to record our SIXTH BIRTHDAY SHOW … I’d love to have [some] good listener’s gayest and straightest[eseses] to read.” So here are some, in no particular order. I don’t have time to read all of these to figure out which ones are the good ones, so I’m just gonna, like… you know? You know. Whatever. This one’s from Fushna: “Gayest: buying a couple of rainbow jocks” [Kyle chuckles] “Straightest: laying out two guys while playing hockey”.
KYLE GETZ
Ohh nice! That sounds- That sounds kind of sexy.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah, exactly. You can lay me out. [Kyle chuckles] Um, uh… Oh yeah, would bang. Okay, uh, this one’s from runningotter_np: “Straightest: going to a small town farm party that involves shot-gunning beer,”-
KYLE GETZ
Shot-gunning beer, oh my god.
MIKE JOHNSON
-“Gayest: being the only one at the party with shoes that got compliments from the farm boys.”
KYLE GETZ
Aw!
MIKE JOHNSON
“When asked where I got them and I replied Nordstrom, it got a totally blank look.”
KYLE GETZ
[laughs] Shoe game on point. Suit’s gay.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah, shoe game on point. Uh, KR900: “Straightest: working timing and scoring at a 24 Hours of Lemons auto race,” [Kyle laughs] “Gayest: packing my cutest underwear for the race weekend, just in case.” [laughs]
KYLE GETZ
Aw. Yeah. I love the “just in case”. Like, you know, you’d like pack certain clothes “just in case” or douche “just in case”.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah.
KYLE GETZ
Love that.
MIKE JOHNSON
Uh, Nyxxia says: “Gayest: getting my nipples pierced while my poly partners held my hands”-
KYLE GETZ
[laughs] That’s- Hard to get gayer than that.
MIKE JOHNSON
-“Straightest: Buying more Magic cards I don’t need”.
KYLE GETZ
[gasps] I have Magic cards too.
MIKE JOHNSON
Doge229 says: “Straightest: Getting ‘sports bro’ levels of overexcited while hyping up a friend getting an Ace([which is] a full team wipe) in Valorant”-
KYLE GETZ
I don’t know what that means.
MIKE JOHNSON
It’s a video game. “Gayest: Getting really excited and happy to see that Valorant has a trans-inclusive gay pride flag themed player banner.”
KYLE GETZ
Oh, nice!
MIKE JOHNSON
Uh, Black Rambo- Hi, Brandon, thanks for running our Discord server.
KYLE GETZ
Hi, thank you, you’re the best.
MIKE JOHNSON
“Gayest: Enjoying the nice weather outside in my hammock with my hoochie daddy shorts on while listening to Chlöe Bailey’s new album,” [Kyle laughs] “Straightest: Finally getting my car inspected after riding dirty for two months.”
KYLE GETZ
[both chuckle] “Riding dirty”.
MIKE JOHNSON
Um, maybe I can do all of these, I don’t know. Josh says- Uh, hey, girl, hey. We play WoW together, it’s great straight.
KYLE GETZ
Oh, hi.
MIKE JOHNSON
“Straightest: Stepping in to cook burgers at work when we are short-staffed. Gayest: The squee and utter joy I expressed, outloud, in a backstage area after finding out a friend was scheduled to train in a new role.(I did not care who heard)”.
KYLE GETZ
There is a gay- There’re gay sound effects, for sure, that we make. [Mike laughs] I love that one.
MIKE JOHNSON
Mystic Bear says: “Straightest: going to watch my nephews first rugby game of the season. Go sports ball! Gayest: checking out all the coaches asses.” [chuckles]
KYLE GETZ
[laughs] Not the players, the coaches asses. There’s some- There’s some daddy things goin’ on, I’m pretty sure.
MIKE JOHNSON
Oscar Judgmental Crow says: “Straightest: thinking about where I could be playing with a street hockey and dodge ball teams. Gayest: making up a scenario in my head where I would coincidentally end up hooking up with a teammate and ruining everything.”
KYLE GETZ
Mmm. [laughs] “Dreaming of ruining everything” is great.
MIKE JOHNSON
Uh, River / Scott says: “Gayest: Taking full nude ‘progress pics’ in the gym changing room mirrors”-
KYLE GETZ
Oh, that’s gonna be- Grindr pictures, and is very gay.
MIKE JOHNSON
“Straightest: Saying ‘Sorry mate!’ in my blokey-est voice to two different guys as they tried to get past me to get changed while I was taking the pics.”
KYLE GETZ
Oh my god! [Mike laughs] You can’t take those pictures while other people are- [chuckles] I mean, you can do whatever you want.
MIKE JOHNSON
Halpando says: “Gayest: getting into a conversation with another gay about vivian westwood at my craft store job”, [Kyle chuckles] “Straightest: letting out a giant belch after chugging a giant glass of fizzy beverage”.
KYLE GETZ
Nice!
MIKE JOHNSON
Uh, Geo_Otter says: “Straightest: buying socks at Costco and putting fuel injector in my car’s gas tank after filling up in the Costco parking lot. Gayest: walking to get an iced coffee with my pedicured feet in open-toed shoes and wearing a colorful fannypack around my waist 🤓”.
KYLE GETZ
Cuuute.
MIKE JOHNSON
I- Okay, are we outta- We’re outta time.
KYLE GETZ
Yeah, yeah.
MIKE JOHNSON
Okay.
KYLE GETZ
Those are great. There’s a “gayest-and-straightest” channel if you want to share your Gayest & Straightest. Sometimes we pick some to share on the show, so go to Discord and share yours there.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah!
KYLE GETZ
Yeah!
MIKE JOHNSON
Did we- Did we do it?
KYLE GETZ
Is that it?
MIKE JOHNSON
This is the end of my notes, I guess it’s the end of the show.
KYLE GETZ
I guess we have to stop now. Bye!
MIKE JOHNSON
Okay- [laughs]
KYLE GETZ
Um, happy birth- We know how to do this, Mike. Happy birthday, it’s been six years.
MIKE JOHNSON
Hey, Kyle…
KYLE GETZ
Hey, Mike…
MIKE JOHNSON
Thank you.
KYLE GETZ
Thank you.
MIKE JOHNSON
Thank you for doing this, for this long.
KYLE GETZ
Thank you to you too.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah.
KYLE GETZ
I appreciate it.
MIKE JOHNSON
Do you wanna go six more years?
KYLE GETZ
Oh, God, that sounds like so much.
MIKE JOHNSON
Well, you know, we’ll see.
KYLE GETZ
God, I’m gonna be 43 if we go another six years.
MIKE JOHNSON
Don’t- Don’t.
KYLE GETZ
Um, I would also- [chuckles] I would also like to thank our Super Gap Bridgers: Andr-
MIKE JOHNSON
I’m gonna be 50! Fuck you, Kyle! [laughs]
KYLE GETZ
Damn. Just daddyin’ it up.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah.
KYLE GETZ
Why not? Even better. Um, thank you to our Super Gap Bridgers: Andrew Bugbee, Christopher M, John Crawley, Stephen Portch, Joh Stoessel, Harry Shaw, Josh Copeland, Jonathan Montañez, Forrest Nail, Patrick Martin, James Barrow, Steve Douglas, Explosive Lasagna, Michael Cubbington, Just Jamie, Kevin Henderson, Tomas B, Timothy Saura, DustySands, AE Coleman, Chris Khachatourians, and Jerome York.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeaaah! Thank you, everybody. This has been Gayish. From the Chris Khachatourians studios, I’m Mike Johnson.
[Outro music plays, instrumental]
KYLE GETZ
I’m Kyle Getz. Until next week, be butch, be fabulous, be you!
MIKE JOHNSON
Happy birthday!
KYLE GETZ
Happy birthdayyyy… fuckers!
MIKE JOHNSON
Bye.
KYLE GETZ
Bye.
MIKE JOHNSON
Hello, airplane.
KYLE GETZ
Fly me to Hell.
MIKE JOHNSON
[chuckles] That’s the airplane to Hell. [laughs]
KYLE GETZ
That’s the airplane to Hell. Hop on, everybody.
MIKE JOHNSON
First class, y’all!
KYLE GETZ
[chuckles] I’m gonna fuckin’ be the flight attendant on this airplane to Hell, handing out… ham sandwiches.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeaaah! Free booze for everybody!
KYLE GETZ
Mm… Mm! It’s gonna be a fuckin’ orgy with ham sandwiches and wine. [Mike laughs] My god… ham sandwich orgy!
MIKE JOHNSON
[chuckling] Ham sandwich orgy plane. That’s gotta be like- Anyway-
KYLE GETZ
My dreams manifest.
MIKE JOHNSON
Yeah.
[Transcriptionist: C Dixon, CMDixonWork@gmail.com]